Sleet.

I am on the plane delayed because of crazy Dallas weather. Again, I can't believe it's been four months and I am going home. I guess I'll spit it out and say that I also can't believe it's been four months without him and that all that happened did... All that pain and the freak-outs and whatsit. It's crazy that it all just happened like that. It's going to be a trip down memory lane. Hopefully I'm going to be as desensitized as I currently feel.
Donk weekend was vair vair fun. On Friday we bought 3 bottles of Georgi and played Ring of Fire. I woke up with the shittiest headache. A group of us 9 people journeyed to IHOP in a drunken/high haze at the end of Hillside and we ordered a massive, ridiculous amount of food. Then we went to a d00d's house to smoke, watch them play Super Smash Bros. and vask in the awkwardness of the situation. The bong really really fucked me up and I really dislike being that high. I don't remember much, just that the walk back to campus seemed never-ending. Then I passed out.
On Sunday I journeyed to the city to go to Salvation Army and Astor. Since I was gonna meet Jaz and Travis and Brianna at Rockefeller, I decided it was a good idea for me to walk the seemingly short distance from Astor. Wrong, that took an hour and a half and I trekked 3 or so miles. The Rockefeller tree was not as big as I expected it to be but it was cute nonetheless. NYC is expectedly tourist haven right now. I gave correct directions to three people which made me feel like DA boss. On the train ride home we all sat next to the CRAZIEST woman, it was extremely funny. THEY'RE GONNA TEAR YOUR ASS UP WHITE BOY. I have no idea what she was on. The city puzzles me so much, I love it and hate it at the same time. I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life, or even better where I will end up.
Jaz walked me to the bus stop in the morning with my million ton bags (for which I had to pay $90 at the airport to check, mind you) and we had Dunkin one last time. Carrying my bags through the train stations was super difficult but I hope to have become super buff due to it.
I'm finally home and it just feels like a blast from the past, like I took a hiatus for a couple of months and things have returned to normal... Except for the obvious difference that once upon a time I was vasking in the false security of love. I have missed my family but I feel very lost. I'm not quite sure what there is to do in Dallas anymore. I re-build I suppose? My mom told me she liked my nose ring which was very unlikely but I have to hide it from my dad. I've been taking out my Monroe in intervals and I can feel it growing in. I can't sleep with the stud in so it will probably grow in by tomorrow morning. Oh well. She also talked to me about Spencer and for once she wasn't judgemental and just understood why it's painful but she said I just need to move on with my life. I wish it was so easy and while it has been a lot better, my thoughts have been taking a toll on my sleep because as I drift off to dreamland, a memory will hit me and over-analyzation starts so I panic and have to sit up and do something. Even now I feel really anxious and panicky and I'm just realizing I've watched an infomercial about a blender for the last hour.
I think more than anything, I wish I just felt okay and at ease right now about being home. I just feel bland and so out of the loop. Did time really fly by this quick? What a paradox of time periods in my life. The holidays last year were so jolly and it was naïve to think I'd feel that way every year since. Holidays are cruel when you are getting over heartbreak. Thank you Christianity and Hallmark and the random Zales commercial. Whether in Dallas or New York, not a whole lot makes sense to me still.