New York has become my home.

At some point last night, while tossing and turning, the cars and the sirens keeping me up until 6 AM, sweating due to the aspirin, I realized this. Hate it or love it, love/hate relationship, it has become so clear to me just how much I love every single imperfection about it and every single lonely night and every single repetitive thought. I could never imagine a better place to learn and live and grow and have fun in. I don't care about the circumstances, I feel like this is my home and I feel like I am the only person in this city. I drink so much orange juice now, like I am trying to cleanse my body of something so vile. I feel like you are the water clogging my ear when I get out of the pool. No matter how much I hop on my right leg trying to get you out, you never fully drain. And so I keep hopping and soon enough it's midnight and I'm taking this aromatic shower when I happen to clench my teeth and I happen to hear that hollow noise echoing through my body that tells me you're still there, murmuring sweet disappointments and reminders. That's all it is, a reminder. And then I lay my head down on my pillow and when I wake up and notice I slept through the daylight yet again, there you are, wet on my pillowcase, begging to evaporate and float outside my window, so you can mix into the dead air, only to dissolve again right into my deep, deep pool of a brain.

I don't care about my appearance around campus much anymore, maybe that's a good thing considering why I used to dress up. Maybe that's not such a good thing though because I end up looking like a complete slob. Or maybe it's just okay to look nice Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays. (: What a bad time to be isolated because now we can blossom.