It's absolutely beautiful outside. I long so much to be able to share my experiences in New York with someone. I want to meet someone like me, whether friend or lover. I want so badly to have that sort of connection with someone, someone who can understand the happiness I feel when I can see snowflakes falling into my coffee, or the little burst of joy I feel at the idea of being isolated on a snow-covered road because it paints such a pretty painting, or in general that little burst of joy I feel at very stupid things, or someone who is willing to stay up all night and sit on my windowsill with me, smoking a cigarette, and go get a warm breakfast with me and then nap the day away, someone who can understand the crazy things I think about when I am high, someone who is as paranoid and self-conscious and sad as I am, someone who can really over-think simplicity and just be mentally connected with me because I feel like I am so unrelatable, someone I can be 100% comfortable around, someone who can enjoy the highs and lows with me, someone who can move in with me to a little apartment in Red Hook and paint the walls with me, and watch hours of TV with me, and build blanket forts with me, and take pictures with me and just feel the sadness of life but also the constant happiness of being together. I'm nothing special but I just want the simplest life, I hope this is possible. I am probably the most insecure person I have ever known, but I was just thinking about how people always look for other 'nice people'. Trustworthy people. And I am so obviously imperfect but I feel like I am a 'nice girl'. I'm that girl that will never betray anyone, cheat on anyone, hook up with anyone's boyfriend, break anyone's trust, or willingly hurt anyone. There are so many problems with me but I feel like I have a very clear definition of right and wrong. I don't have the best personality, maybe I am pretentious, annoying, depressing, but I am always so aware of the people around me. I try to make people feel comfortable, I crave acceptance. I am a pretty sucky person, but sometimes I think I have a higher conscience than most. Maybe it's just because I am extremely dependent of people, and I have yet to have met someone as weak as I am. You left me out in the middle of the snowstorm and I'm no longer cold but I'm still calling out your name.