Day 1: Discuss your current relationship status.

I am currently single, incredibly single. I have been for about 2 1/2 years now, so it's safe to say I've stood the test of time in my solitude. At first, it was quite awful, as I had forgotten what it was like to exist without a human attached to me at all times. Gradually, my mindset improved. I learned to be alone. This is not to say I haven't had my fair-share of flings and interests, but none of them have amounted to anything substantial. Being single has taught me a lot, and allowed me to analyze relationships from an outsider's point of view. When you love someone, it is like you are on heavy, heavy drugs. Sedatives that fuel complacency, and ecstasy that makes you lose your mind and sense of being. I've had the chance to assess so many ridiculous situations regarding relationships in my surroundings. I want to believe that I will never be so intoxicated that I lose my self-respect and independence. I do not ever want to make someone my "all". I am my all, I love myself more than anyone, because this is what relationships have taught me. Maybe I'm consequentially fueling this poisonous cycle, but thus far, I've never witnessed anyone break the mold of selfishness when they are involved with a partner. After all, we get involved in partnerships for happiness, our own happiness. And while ideally it is because we have some sort of equal scare for our partner, there is a constant sense of imbalance when it comes to interests. In a sense, I've conditioned the mechanism of "fight or flight" in myself, heavy on the fleeing aspect. I've resolved to never maintain in a heavily struggling relationship. I hope to always be able to remain commonsensical when it comes to arguments. There is just a phase that young relationships should never reach, and when they do, it is safe to say that there is no more future to come from them, only dependency and fear of separating oneself from such comfort. Of course, keep in mind that when we are on the drug of love, we cannot distinguish what is reasonable and what is not. I suppose that what I am amounting to here is that I never want to just "melt" into someone else. I don't wish to see them everyday of my life. I don't wish to lose my life, my friends, my family and goals for them. Most importantly, I never want to doubt myself or be anyone's door mat. Often, this is the case in relationships and marriages, etc. Going back to being single, of course I feel the loneliness sometimes. But when it comes to living the life I've been living, there is no way I would have been able to enjoy the freedom I've had if I had been involved steadily with someone. This freedom is both refreshing and difficult to manage. For one, none of what I've done would have been as fun if I had a boyfriend, on the other hand, sometimes I picture that life outside of these events would be more enjoyable if I had one. Indeed I question why I have been single for so long. Sometimes I find faults in myself, sometimes in other people. I often put unreal expectations on the people I get involved with, and it comes in no surprise that what I want never manifests. I also tend to seek out detrimental relationships, which is quite ironic, considering I want to remain stoic but happy. I use copious amounts of energy trying to get people to "like me" though this is never conducive to a relationship, and later over-analyze every aspect of my conversations with said interests. Surely, a healthy relationship is something that comes out of the blue, when you are satisfied with yourself and your life. I am remarkably good at being single, but I've yet to figure out if it genuinely makes me happy, or if it so because nothing has met my self-imposed standards or... if these standards are the reason I am single in the first place.