Life after Europe is strange. It's all so new in my mind. If I think about it too much, I immediately feel a knot in my throat that takes over my ability to breathe. What is there to say? There is not much. It happened, it was beautiful, and life right now doesn't even compare.
So far, the semester has kicked off with a hectic start. I have to finally start caring about my 'future' which means that I am now in the process of beefing up my resume, applying to internships, and applying to jobs. Essentially, I have yet to figure out what I want to do in general. I've enjoyed New York, but I don't know how I feel about being here after college. I'm no longer as fearless as I once was. I've got several options and several roads to travel in this next year. I'm looking into studying abroad in Sweden next semester. I also have the option of graduating a semester early, or taking a semester off, or doing an internship in Austin for credit, or starting a Master's program that will allow me to get my MA a year and a half earlier than most, or just riding this out normally. Needless to say, I don't know what I want, at all.
My classes are all really interesting, but it's not surprise that there is a lot of reading involved once more. It's difficult to get used to, after a semester of minimal schoolwork. I also haven't been sleeping much, or during normal hours. Last Saturday I woke up at 6 PM. I've been going out fairly often but not with the same... shall I say, dedication as previously. I've started yet another pre-summer diet... trying to lose 20 more pounds, leaving me at 140.
I've been getting involved in relationships with people that are going nowhere, nor do they have any real hope of turning into something legitimate, nor should they be somethings that I would want for myself. But often times, it's like some outside source controls my feelings for people or my actions.
I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel like I was just going through the motions.