Bears?

I've been feeling like a zombie for the last three weeks. I am waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out of the corner and be like, "YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D!". I've been told in the last 48 hours by Spencer that I'm no longer loved, that there are better friends than me, that I made him miserable, and I've been completely deleted from said person's life. Why?... I just don't really believe that all the promises he made me, and the letters I have he wrote me, and the songs, that they were all lies. I don't want to believe it at all. This is just not real to me yet. I still have dreams with him in them. Nothing really makes me happy. I have streaks of "strength" if you will, but they, much like his love for me, gradually go away. Reminders of the past plague me, reminders of the planned future make me break down. I'm in shock and awe that he was crying to me on the phone a month before moving here, when I was at orientation, telling me that he realized he loves me so much that he would follow me ANYWHERE, anywhere at all in the world that I decide to go. Even though I kept on saying, "No, no Spencer, I just want you to be happy, you want to be in NYC", he insisted that he loved me so that he would be okay wherever I was. My heart melted. I'm in shock and awe that weeks before we moved, on our one year, he wrote me a passionate letter about how even though he feels discouraged, I am exactly what he wants, and that I have helped him and stuck by his side, that I am his love, his best friend, and we have many years together to come. I'm in shock and awe that a day before I got into my rental car with my parents to move to New York, he was telling me how I shouldn't be sad, that I had him always and we had this amazing future ahead of us. I am so... drained. I just want to go back to Dallas, sleep for a while cuddling with my dog, then rewind 2 years back, and I want to do what I actually had to. I don't want to feel a thing anymore. I just wanted to be happy here with him, I thought that if I had him, being here would make more sense to me. I want to disappear. No wonder he wants me to as well.