Hot Dog Island.

I feel very much like I am lacking a conscience. I am that ungrateful child who doesn't call her parents once during the day despite living with them for 18 years and being 1500 miles away from them. However, today was such a wonderful day; Jaz, Eva, Kat, and I took the train to Coney Island. Brooklyn seems a lot more vivid than Queens and the train stations remind me of winter scenes from the opening part of a movie. I tried to keep love and relationship and Spencer thoughts at bay to no avail. I just kept on replaying this song by Rosie Thomas about taking the train to Brooklyn Heights with a boy. It's very hard for me to accept that memories of good times are just that, memories, but also they are the past. And hopes for the future... well, they are never guaranteed. Anyhow, Jaz and I watched Eva and Kat go through a haunted house since Jaz was scared she'd get her throat slit and I am intensely paranoid of anything related to ghosts. Then we went on the Wonder Wheel and ate hot dogs. We walked the Boardwalk and came across a "Coney Island Dances" celebration with a lot of weirdos and one particularly buff black guy displaying a huge boner while rubbing up on some female's crotch. We danced and danced and danced and it came to me how truly happy I was that I lived in New York City now. I can only describe my life here as one thing, whether good or bad: overwhelming. Sensory overload. As we headed out, Jaz won 2 goldfish and I got 2 free ones. My 2 died on the train ride home, in fact, one was mangled by some obnoxious boy. I came back to my 2X2 square foot room and did some laundry, watched the VMAs, worked on homework, and walked to 7 11 with Jazman while making jokes about pussy-smelling dumpsters alond the way. Although I couldn't keep my mind off of the boy I still love, I did enjoy myself. I just hope with all my heart that it doesn't become a habit for me to be without him.