Why would I write about this?

Probably because it's 6 AM and another sleepless night and I'm listening to Sia and I had an exchange with Spencer today. Even though I felt nothing, I've just been thinking. I really thought he was the end-all be-all when it came to love and boyfriends and such but when it came down to it, he couldn't even be my friend when I needed him the most. Despite knowing me a year and sharing so much, he couldn't in the very least be there for me when I really just wanted to drown from sorrow. I don't know what made him talk to me today... all I can offer him is decency but I could NEVER be his friend. Besides it being impossible because of the fact that he was my first real relationship, just because time has gone by, it doesn't make what he did okay. Nothing will, ever. I will never forgive or forget it. It is probably for the best for us to delete one another, as sad as it is. I just know that if he could do that to me, then he was not someone worth knowing or investing time in. Nothing will ever make him happy. The last year is not real to me anymore and in fact, I never even knew him it seems. This is the last I will mention this in this journal. It's true, after your first love, you just learn to cover yourself up more than before.