FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

I miss pinning you down to tickle you under your arms and your lower back. Fuck I just miss being with someone. Or is it that I miss being with you? No, I miss being with what was you when you loved me to death and appreciated every second spent with me. That boy deserved all the care and love I gave him. But who are you now? I wish you'd let yourself be happy. Not with me anymore, just happy in general, just being. I wish you weren't so complicated. I wish you had loved me an ounce of how much I loved you. You know, sometimes I would stare at you when you were drifting off to sleep and I would smile at how happy you made me but it would kill me that you could never just do the same for me. I think inside I always knew that it would end up like this, that you had your own secret agenda, that you were just scared. After all, I told you you'd hurt me... I just didn't know how badly it would really hurt. So badly I can't even explain how this was possible. I need to stop. But I'm afraid that I'm so much like you now... that I can't even let myself be, I can't even take my own advice.

Dear god, life just keeps getting better... I know. Have fun. Good luck. Move fast. I hope you die.