Bob Dole.

Jim Beam?
This has been the most insane weekend I have ever experienced in my life. I drank rum, vodka, whiskey, a flat 40 oz. I found outside that had probably previously belonged to Mickey Rourke, some $5 champagne to keep it all classy, used a tar-encrusted bong and danced on an icy a roof and managed to not throw up because then I would've probably slipped on my vomit and possibly propelled off of said roof. Also my hands were covered in mud or some shit, literally... it was probably dog shit but I still got McDonald's and best believe I ate it all with my bare hands and of course licked off the ketchup from every single one of my fingers... probably from the table too. Besides the possibility that I may have an advanced case of Meningitis and/or Hepatitis A through Z, does this make me cool college party girl now? They should name a Barbie after me.

In other news, wow I am lame. I should smother myself.