C'est le matin.

You can run as far as you want but you will always be tucked away in the corner of my room. And I'm saying my room because I can't bear to fit anything more in my mind besides redundant information on styles of government and capitalist America and universal healthcare. It's hard to have time to myself when I'm cramming 9 chapters of reading, and 5 page essays, and presentations on exorcism, and synthesizing Aristotle's ideas. A parable is a miracle story. Marxist-Leninist theory holds that the central government will dissolve so that people can rule. Noumenon is tangible but not perceivable. Political civility is disappearing. Art is in the eye of the beholder. Binge and purge all over essays and tests and lo and behold: good grades. Though I'm busy, every once in awhile I will play with you, mostly when I am seeing triple on the weekends, and maybe some Thursdays. And maybe some Wednesdays. It's all the same. And yet, it is October 2009. I'm going to be 20 on November 5th. I will be 1 year closer to legally drinking. I will be 2 1/2 years from graduating. I will be 1 month away from winter break. But no matter what, I will be eternally away from you. It's like these magnets have lost their power because opposites are not attracting. You only live once so I want to force it... but physics is so much stronger than I will ever be. You are so much stronger than I will ever be. Maybe it's because it's already winter and I don't have a warm enough coat. Maybe it's not something I could ever analyze because it's not in my textbook. Don't you wish people had guidebooks? Like a cabinet you buy at IKEA and hopefully if you follow the instructions, you will have a surface that is sturdy, that you can depend on to not come down on you and destroy your TV. You had saved up months for that TV. But the cabinet is not responsible, you are. So you return and exchange and complain and you care so much, and then you realize, it's only a cabinet, and there was no way it could comprehend how much the TV meant to you. You live and you learn though, right? I'd rather be lazy and sleep and not build anything at all. Someone will deliver it to my door... eventually. Or you could go up one flight of stairs... so I don't have to deal with the mail man. Then I could probably throw that obstacle sitting in room out my eighth floor window and never look back. And when will I learn that dependency is the problem, not the solution? Slow down. Overload of information but no accurate medium to spew it upon because everything is so rushed, everything is so GO GO GO, RUN RUN RUN. What's that saying? Maxed out like a credit card? Yeah, something like that. Hey, wake up, I know it was 3 AM 10 minutes ago but it is now 9 and the bus is leaving in 30. "The days run away like wild horses over the hills." Absolutely. But my head is pounding and all I want to do is move away with you. Travel and all that jazz. I want to learn about myself. I want to meet someone who automatically knows everything about me. Not someone that just blocks up my head, like a cotton ball full of water. Speaking of which, breaking this writer's block feels equally as gratifying as anything I've learned these past couple of months.
I will grow up eventually I hope.